Realization.

This week has been by far one of the hardest of my life. It is so sad to me that in this last week alone, I have seen more friends than I have in months(possibly years). So many people that I just got too busy to call, or visit. I feel like that is what happened with Josh, I just became so busy that he was just another person I neglected to stay in touch with. Looking at pictures of him with his long, curly hair ( Linda said he was growing it out to donate), and the hat that he (apparently) wore all the time; brought on feelings of realization. I never saw him with long hair, I don't remember the hat that he never took off and I did not know that he was in so much pain. All these things I would have observed, if I had only taken the time to remember my friend.

I knew Josh all the way through high school, we went to the same church and when I joined SCA we went to the same school. My earliest memories of Josh consist of him playing the sportscaster in our news team and him slurring over "Lebron James" in his sports-segment. During our practices he would say his lines really fast and somehow it always sounded like he was mumbling at a rapid speed(which is usually impossible). It was constantly "Josh E-N-U-N-C-I-A-T-E!" Mrs. Nogy and his Mom were always on him. Yet, he just kept plowing through the lines at the same rapid pace. Trying to juggle difficult sentences and ridiculous cliches, while making an effort to enunciate enough to appease them. Those were some of the most entertaining nights of my life. Trying to get our mess of a group to be uniform, and struggling to put together a convincing version of a newscast. We managed to pull it off three times, and finally take a win the third year of competition.

When Josh's Dad, Ed, was really sick in his senior year, Rebbecca thought it would be a good idea for Josh and I to do a Duo-Interp (An interpretation of literature: performed by two people) that she had hand-selected for us. With all the pain of slowly losing his Dad, she thought it would be a good distraction for Josh. For me it was like pulling teeth, I hated(still hate) public speaking and yet I was swindled into doing competitive speech for three years in a row. When I was whining and complaining(sometimes crying) with discouragement, Josh never gave up. At his memorial service I heard so many stories of how strong and determined Josh was, I can attest to it. His Dad was really sick when the competition time came around, and yet not for a minute did he hesitate to perform. In fact, I remember performing our duo for Ed in their living room during one of our many practices. No, we didn't win a trophy that competition...we didn't even place. But, I have so many memories of late nights at my house with my Mom and Rebbecca breathing down our necks. The same story, "Josh, slow down and enunciate!" and "Josh, act like you love her!" and he did the very best he could...all the way through to the end. I also remember Josh at the Kauai garage sale, and on the trip. I just recall this one night, mid-mission trip when I had gotten word that Josh had told AJ to go ahead and "go for me". I was fuming and decided to set him straight. It is funny looking back, how things like that seem so insignificant now. I think that is one thing I have truly begun to realize since I found out that Josh passed away: how short life is and how meaningless it is to place life's busy-work(school/work) before human relationships, before people who need a friend. So many are hurting and in need of a shoulder, an ear, an "I love you". I think that "life" gets in the way of what really matters: the people who are in it.